Say hello to Piper, my perfectly amazing creation!
There are so many things I have learned about myself and life once I became a mom. I figured it was high time I give praise to some of these. So, here goes...
1) There is no other love in the world that compares to the love a mother feels for her child. No matter how much you think you love someone, even your significant other (if you have one) and your closest family members and dearest friends, none of those loves remotely touches a mother's love for her wee-one. At least that's how I feel. Then again, I never could find my Prince Charming and became a single mom by choice via IUI, so my experience with romantic love for another is not quite up to par with others out there in the world. Also, mother-child love is very different than other types of love, of which there are many. But I do honestly feel that I could not love anyone as much as I love Piper....ever!
How could you not totally love this face?
2) There is no other journey comparable to the one a mother goes through during her pregnancy. I am a world traveler. I have seen things that have literally made me cry or gasp when gazing upon their beauty; from works of fine art, to man-made constructions, to the wondrous creations of Mother Nature. I have adventured far off the beaten path and even been brazenly daring at times. None of my travel experiences, however, remotely compares to the journey of my pregnancy. From the moment I laid upon the doctor's table to have my IUI performed, to the moment I saw my little girl just three weeks old in my womb, to the moment I pushed her into this world, the entire process of change, both mentally and physically, was astounding. Every day was new and exciting. Every day was a joy. I am rare in that my pregnancy was perfect throughout. It was one of the happiest nine months of my life. Although my body has still not fully recovered from it's fantastical journey, I wouldn't change a thing about the experience. If you have the chance and ability, put pregnancy on your bucket list, you won't regret it!
Piper's first picture!
Me at 40 weeks!
The greatest day of my life!
3) Children are the most bizarre and hysterical creatures on the planet! Watching a little human learn and grow is quite a unique experience all on its own. At times, it's the most humorous thing in the world. No two are alike, but they all can be down right laugh-your-ass-off funny. Piper keeps me in stitches and has been doing so from the moment she arrived. Whether she is ninja-nursing, running half-naked through the house holding balloons, or dancing and singing in her own special style, she never lets me down when I need a good chuckle.
4) My body is perfect the way it is. Before having a child, I had a horrible body image. It was probably due to all the years as a ballet dancer where I had to constantly worry about my weight that instigated this issue, but it was motherhood that cured it. I no longer look in the mirror and overly judge myself. I know I will never have my 22-year-old butt and stomach back, and I'm perfectly okay with that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to let myself completely go or still not lose some of that post-baby weight, but now it's not a race to be perfect by bathing suit weather. I've earned my cheese, and with it a glass of wine instead of a workout if I so choose.
Who cares if my thighs are larger than they used to be, This is what it's all about!
5) Breasts are highly over sexualized! Yes, I know some people look at them as solely sexual objects, but come on, my baby eats from those, so stop glaring at them! I used to be smaller chested and along with my body issues I always worried they weren't big enough to be attractive to men. Well you know what, that's total bullshit! They're bigger now, but it wouldn't matter what size they are, because they are just breasts. They're amazing in all shapes and sizes because they can sustain life. And the only person whose opinion matters regarding them is Piper's. They're hers and hers alone. Believe me, she'll let you know that they're hers. Did I mention she's ninja-feeds? Seriously! Check out my post My Little Weirdo Part 1, The Breastfeeding Diaries if you want to know exactly what I mean by that. And one last thing on the topic, I feel for you women with larger breasts. When mine were ridiculously huge when my milk first came in, I had no idea what to do with them. All that cleavage just made me uncomfortable. I quit wishing for bigger boobs after that.
And we're still going strong on this 13 months later!
6) The world no longer revolves around me, the world revolves around Piper. Everything, I mean EVERYTHING, comes secondary to my daughter. Whether it's me getting to eat, going out with friends, sleeping, letting my road rage out, shopping, etc. None of this is important until Piper's needs are satisfied. I know not all moms will agree with this, some say it's important to take time for yourself and get away from being a mom once in awhile. I guess I just waited too long and with too much desire to have a child to think otherwise. She is my world and I will always put her first, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. I may lose some cool points with my homies for this, but I have enough to spare, lol.
Even this plate revolves around Piper!
7) I now have a perfectly good excuse to act silly all the time. I've always been a bit of a goofball, but now I seriously let my goober flag fly! I don't care if it's at home or in the middle of some store, no place is off limits when it comes to having a silly-good time with my goofy little sidekick. Her laugh is infectious, so really it's better for all humanity to hear it. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!
Being silly is a good thing!
8) Every event can be turned into a song and dance number. What is it about being a mom that makes it so easy to make up songs about poop? I have seriously made up songs about just about everything we do now. I sing about pottying, eating, sleeping, driving, shopping, walking, talking, strolling, a variety of bodily functions, and the list just keeps going. Sometimes I use already familiar songs and change the lyrics to fit the action. I'm like the Weird Al of mothering. I'm good at busting out some rhymes, too, so if there is ever a calling for mother rappers, I've got a record deal!
Yep, I can even make up a song about this!
9) Alone bathroom time only happens when your child is either sleeping or completely distracted by something else. As a mom, you learn that no bathroom break is sacred unless you make a well thought out plan ahead of time. And if you've done something in the bathroom that goes into the toilet, I'm trying to be discreet here, you better show it off because curious minds want to know and see!
Piper gets no privacy, either!
10) Being a mom is the greatest thing that will ever happen to me. Nothing can come close to topping motherhood. I feel sorry for men who cannot experience parenting like a mom does. No insult to the daddies out there, but it's just not the same. Piper is my magnum opus, and I will cherish her always for what she has brought to my life. I would even give my life for hers without a split seconds thought. I have never been happier, I finally understand true, unconditional love, and I definitely understand sacrifice without complaint. Life just doesn't get any better than this!
Yep, life doesn't get any better than seeing that smile on a daily basis!
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Earlier today I called my landlord to let her know that I will be moving early next month. She expressed sadness that I would be vacating my house. I, of course, am a worry-free tenant who doesn't cause problems, pays on time, fixes my own broke stuff when I can, and doesn't throw wild parties till the wee hours of the morning...man how times have changed on that last point over the years! I know she is probably not looking forward to finding someone who will care for her family home as much as I have these past two years. And since the house sits on the front of her family's compound (as I like to call it), finding a person who is as phenomenal as I am to take my place...well, that's just impossible! But my awesomness as a renter is not what I'm here to talk about today. Today I am here to talk about the conversation I had with my landlord when I arrived home from work.
You all are aware, at least I hope you have figured it out by now, that I'm undergoing IUI sometime at the end of this month. My luck it'll be on Memorial Day, since I tend to like to excite the holidays a little bit. My hand injury and meningoencephalitis hospital stay covered Christmas and New Years back in 2008/09, so Memorial Day sounds good for this process. Maybe a Valentine's Day birth? Anyway, my landlord was unaware of this decision until I spoke to her earlier. I had called while at work to let her know I was moving, and when she asked why, I told her I was doing a pregnant thing. I can't remember my exact words, but she assumed I was already "with child." When I arrived home this evening, she was doing some yard work outside my front door. I have a feeling she just wanted to talk to me in person since she vanished after we spoke. Right off the bat she asked me when I was due. I hadn't really been that explanatory of my decision over the phone to her, as it's a little awkward still since many people have varying opinions on my decision. Needless to say, I took this opportunity to divulge more information and move the conversation more to the point. And this is where is got interesting...
At first I wasn't sure how she took the information. I have gathered from my time here that she is a lot more religious than me. I don't go to church and consider myself more of an agnostic pagan than anything else. Don't get me wrong or tune out because of that! I believe to each their own. I don't expect people to agree with my spiritual/mother nature/cosmos beliefs, nor want to be pushed to be "saved" by converting to anyone else's beliefs. I really don't feel that any one system of religion or spirituality, or whatever you want to call it, is better than another. As long as you're a good person and do your damnedest not to hurt anyone, then I'm all good. You could worship a piece of half-charred popcorn for all I care, just don't let it come to another person's harm. Don't hate and don't push and shove...just be respectful that not everyone thinks and feels the way you do....but once again I digress...
So back to my landlord...
I initially wasn't quite sure how she took the news. Her eyes got big and she wished me luck. Inwardly I questioned if she understood or was immediately judging me. This idea in my head of her judging me was completely not something I was going to let slide. So I opened up the conversation to give her a bit more information. I figured if I was willing and openly sharing the experience with anyone on the internet who wanted to read my blog, then I could just as easily explain to her my current choices. We spoke of past relationships, heartbreak, children, and life plans that change and develop along completely unplanned paths as we travel through life. I had no idea she was widowed at 44 with two children to raise on her own. She said it was by no means a perfect marriage and that he had made some pretty awful life choices towards the end. Even so, the loneliness she felt for years after her husband passed was in no way curable...not even by her children and close extended family. She was by no means complaining or discouraging. She was simply opening up about how difficult it can be to find the joy and harmony in life even when your children and other family members are right there in front of you. I feel in my heart of hearts that she was trying to pass to me the wisdom of not expecting my child to cure any of my daily woes...don't expect never to be lonely again; don't expect that everything will work out perfect because forces are at work beyond your control; and definitely don't take any of it for granted--even the tough times--for it may all be gone in a flash before you know it. These are things I try to be aware of daily, but oftentimes forget in the hustle and bustle of life...this happens more often that I care to admit.
I was glad to hear she had recovered from this tumultuous point in her life...it took time, but she was living again and happy. Once the tough times were through, she regained her spirit and place in this crazy world. After relating this story to me, she spoke of her now 20-something daughter and how her daughter had recently said she didn't think she would ever want to get married because she couldn't find a decent man to even date. We both had a chuckle at this! It seems just about every woman I have spoken with recently feels the same way. It seems we have mostly been through hell and back and are beginning to decide that hell is not such a great place to live on a daily basis (I refuse to capitalize hell because I don't believe it to be an actual place, more of a state of mind). It is most definitely disheartening that this is becoming the normal train of thought for women. The divorce rate numbers in this country are about even to if not higher than the number of marriages that last. More and more women are going my route, and the bitterness and negativity regarding relationships seems to be growing at an alarming rate! Why? Have our core moral values changed? Have we forgotten how to love? Is it that as children our adult role models astronomically dropped the ball? Or are we just lackadaisical on the matter?
I don't know the answers, all I have are questions. As a hard-core scientist by nature, I'm thinking there's a really good research paper in there somewhere. What I do know for certain is that I am not alone in my thinking and current life choices. Even the doc's office mentioned how they are seeing more women like myself taking on single motherhood because of failed relationships. Seems infertility at these clinics may be outnumbered by women who are alone and no longer willing to wait or compromise...which to me is way better than "accidentally" having a child because of precautionary failure! And I will admittedly say I'd rather have a child alone than go through a horrible divorce later with a child involved. I would rather be the sole decision maker and take on the extra burden of single parenting than possibly irrevocably damage a child with in-family fighting. Once again, don't take that the wrong way! I know that type of situation is not necessarily a choice and can often blindside someone...so many things are outside our basic control. I am also in no way implying that unbalanced relationships will unequivocally damage the child. I'm not that kind of thinker, just simply trying to make a point. I'm just surprised and disheartened that I'm not more alone...although I guess that may be a good thing?
In the end, I just found my conversation with my landlord very enlightening. I have heard other people's opinions and concerns, most of these being family and close friends. To hear a completely unbiased voice was interesting and a bit refreshing. I find it somewhat sad that single parenting choices are beginning to outweigh other directions, but I also feel somewhat comforted. Either way you'll never be prepared, so I guess either way is just as good a path. All I really know in the end is that I'm extremely excited and totally committed to my decision! I know I'll be a fantastic mom. And although times will not always be perfect, I will strive every day to remind myself to take in every moment and not lose sight of the wondrous life that I have helped create and nurture. Regardless of my past or present, the future is going to be absolutely astounding and remarkable! Daily affirmation...the world is bigger and more powerful than you, so hold on to everything big and small, for that is where you are saved!
Ugh! I hope this is somewhat coherent and logically flows! I mostly write in a fury and sometimes get off topic and jump between completely different trains of thought. I try to re-read at the moment but am tangled up and miss basic grammar and concepts of motion. I will most undoubtedly go back in 2-3 days and rewrite some stuff or clean up what is already there. As they taught me in grad school...writing isn't writing but rewriting! If you see any majorly glaring typos or anything that just doesn't make sense, please feel free to let me know! I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so that kind of stuff drives me batty! Hate to ruin a good flow with bad wordage, hahahahahaha!
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