Would You Like Cheese With That Whine? And Other Reflections On Turning 39.
I'm ridiculously happy!
Yesterday I turned 39, so I decided I should reflect on this past year and share with all of you what knowledge I have gained about life. Yeah, this should get interesting!
First off, although I just turned 39, I still feel like I'm 27. Well, except for the bad knees, tweaked left ankle, bursitis ridden left shoulder, painful hip sockets, and of course the gimpy, arthritic right hand that will never be the same since the injury of '08 that was due to the meningoencephalitis that tried to kill me at the beginning of '09. Besides all that, I feel great! Seriously, that was all supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek, although not a bit of it is a lie. I do find getting older humourous most of the time, which I think is necessary to live a long and happy life. If you can't laugh at it all, you're going to end up old before your time and in a serious state of mental collapse...at least that is my opinion on it.
And this is why!
So, on that note, what have I learned about life this past year?
I've learned why it is young people are supposed to be the ones whipping out children. I am thoroughly convinced childbirth is really not meant for people older than 30. I think because of my age and subsequent wisdom, that I am turning out to be a much better mother than I would have any earlier in life, but the bearing of children totally kicks the body's ass! I had many old dance injuries left over from my ballet career that get a wee bit worse every year. Throw an extra unexpected 70 lbs of baby weight on top of those, push an 8 lb watermelon out the old hoo-ha, and then struggle to lose that last 30 lbs of extra weight while having to tote around not only a growing human but all the equipment necessary not to kill it, or if your glass if half full, keep it alive, well then you've got a party going on in all the achy spots and you're the guest of honor!
Besides all the enhanced aches and pains, the 38 year old (now 39 year old) body doesn't bounce back from childbearing like a 22 year old body does. I'll be the first to admit that my tummy has not gained back it's lovely flatness, my ass is no longer as high and tight as it was before (hence the cheese portion of the title), and it was a great ass, and my arms are beginning to get that floppy thing underneath when I wave too vigorously at people. I know that most of this can be fixed with several rounds at the gym every week. However, where the hell does anyone find the time for that with a four-month-old baby who needs constant attention and has a serious boob addiction? I know of no gym that would allow me to strap her on while running the treadmill, or else I might try it. And outdoor activities for exercise? Did I mention that I live in the deep South and have an extra 30 lbs still on my ass? Do you think that is conducive to running in 100 degree heat with a relative humidity no less than 60% most days? Oh hell no! Not unless I'm being chased by zombies! Then I still might decide to say fuck it and actually become a zombie instead!
We'll be happy zombies together!
I will say that I think 10 lbs of that extra weight is all boob, yay! That is definitely a plus right now. At this point, my boobs are still rockin' and are quite the full set of twins. I've got no complaints in that department, although I hear that will only last as long as I'm still being milked like an old cow. I hope Piper is not embarrassed that I'm still trying to breastfeed her when she's 18, for I really want to keep these girls perky. No seriously, I jest! Or do I?
You'll be doing what?
Even with all the body changes and new and improved aches and pains, none of those things matters now that Piper is here. I'm very okay with all my physical changes, for every single one of them was completely worth it. Plus, I am no longer at the stage in life where I'm hitting the bars every night trying to find Mr. Right. I'm not really concerned about finding a man to share my life with right now, therefore not as hung up on my ass size for the time being. Right now I have absolutely everything I want and need, and that is a pretty amazing feeling. I might not have my skinny thighs and rock hard buttocks, but I do have an amazing daughter. I should announce here that even though my body is not the same as it was, my hoo-ha did go back to normal, yay!!! God knows if it stayed looking like it did at 8 months pregnant I might be a basket case at this point. I can forgive all other changes as long as that one wasn't permanent, which it wasn't!
Your hoo-ha looked like what?
Now to backtrack to my earlier statement about being a better mother now than I would have in my 20s. This statement is in no way meant to insult younger mothers, it is simply a reflection on my own youth. I was a bit of a party girl in my young 20s, and it would have been a disaster had I had children at that point. Being younger and single usually comes with the desire to be more social, too. I loved going out all the time even just a couple of years ago. It wasn't until after 35 that I really began becoming a homebody. Don't get me wrong, I still loved to party and get my drink on, but I much preferred people coming over to my house rather than battling the bar crowds. That might also have been because all those damn 20-somethings at the bar became annoying as shit! I mean seriously, grow up already! At some point we all get to the "kids these days" point and younger people become obnoxious twits and nothing like we were at that age, of course.
Those dumb twits!
The younger people who like the bar scene and going out a lot most likely would not, in a lot of cases, be as attentive parents or have as much patience as us older folks. While a 20-something mom may still want a social life outside her family life, an almost 40-year-old is more likely to revolve her world around her long awaited children. Once again, I'm not speaking of all people, everyone is different, I'm basically speaking to the kind of person whom I was and am now. My world is Piper right now because I waited so long to have her. I do not feel like I'm losing who I am or my life is being stripped away by the responsibility of parenthood. Instead, I love spending every waking moment with her and am happy to do nothing more than be at her beck and call. I know I still have the new mother glow, much like the new relationship glow when everything is sunshine and rainbows before the imperfections set in. I'm hoping to keep this everything-is-perfect stage going forever, although I know that's a total Utopian outlook on parenting. I'll cherish the glow for now, however, and try and remember it when times get tough and my patience as a parent gets tested.
How could anyone be impatient with this face?
With all that has happened over this last year, from going through pregnancy to giving birth to the most awesome little girl in the world, all of it has taught me the true meaning of what it means to love someone unconditionally. I've always loved my immediate family that way, but nothing holds a candle to the love a mother feels for her child. It all makes sense now, all the times my mom cried when I got hurt, or when I said hateful things to her, or when I got my heart broken. Now I understand why she had such strong reactions to those things. It's all because of that bond that occurs between mother and child, that starts in the womb and only grows stronger once that little one is in your arms. Wow, there is nothing quite like it. I mentioned before how I felt sorry for men since they could not experience what it was like to be pregnant and grow life inside them. I feel even more for them now knowing they can never experience the kind of love that happens between a mother and her child. They probably don't think twice about it because they have no idea what they are missing, just as I have no idea how it feels to be a dad and what that relationship is like, but man are they missing out! It is a love that is quite overwhelming and indescribable. I would give up an entire lifetime for just a fleeting feeling like this one if I had no other choice. It would be totally worth it, it is that amazing.
With that said, I will forever look upon relationships differently. No more will there be a me that settles for anything less than love, which should make my romantic life completely different than before. No more will I be nonchalant about who I go out with, no more will I make excuses for whom I date. If I don't feel even a smidgen of what I feel towards Piper, then no longer will I drag the inevitable crash and burn relationship along until it meets it's fiery death months or years down the road. In those oh so infamous words, ain't nobody got time for that!
I'll no longer fall without a purpose!
To wrap it all up, this last year has taught me about love and what it truly means to be in love, how to accept who I am both inside and out, and how to be ultimately happy with the life I have without feeling the need to seek out one that is meant for someone else. I've found where it is that I belong, what my purpose is on this planet, and where my strengths and weaknesses lay. I also discovered I can handle more than I thought I could, and that I don't need to be a better me to deserve love. I've earned my place in this life, and I've earned the right to be happy with who I am and who I'm going to be. I've also learned that I'm an excellent mother and Piper has made me a better, more forgiving, more joyous, more accepting, more honest, and more loving person that I ever knew I could be. I've also learned that I am more of a sap than I thought possible, hahahahaha! Geez, I'm just too dang happy these days! I fart sunshine and butterflies and unicorns and candy sprinkles, and it annoys people! But mostly this past year I have learned that life totally rocks and nothing gets better than the life I have right in front of me. I'm a damned lucky woman, that is for sure.
Love makes me even goofier than before!
And eating avocados is more fun than it should be!
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