Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Tootsies Are Tastier Than Tears

I promise to explain the title at the end!

My precious doll, seven weeks
I had begun a new entry a few days ago, one that examined all the new things Piper had discovered and had become by her seventh week in this world.  I had, and still have, every intention of finishing it, but it will be more like her eighth week by then.  Why the delay?  It's what I like to call that horrible thing most of us must do to!

Checking out Nana!
Yep, my maternity leave officially ended Sunday.  Monday I was back to work, and I would love to be able to say that all things went smoothly and everything is bright and shiny in my world.  But I made a promise to all my readers when I began writing, and that promise was to keep all things honest no matter what.  Here is some honesty...These past couple of days have been anything but easy, and they have come with more than one bout of tears.  I discovered the joys of motherhood right from the start, but now the realities are also coming to call, and while nothing can take away the sublime happiness Piper gives me, she herself can cause me more stress than I ever expected I could handle before.

She loves to play!
Piper has had a very difficult past week or so with stomach pains.  I thought that it was typical gas at first, then I discovered she had an ingrown fingernail.  After fixing that problem, she was happy as a lark for a full day.  Naturally, I then contributed her previous fussiness to that nail.  Oh if life was just so easy as an ingrown  fingernail! Unfortunately for both her and myself, her fussiness returned the following day, and with a vengeance.  And today was a downright tear jerker.

It's odd, she sleeps very well throughout the night and has been sleeping through the nights since she was three weeks.  She is a happy baby in the mornings, smiling and taking good mid-morning naps, but then around 2ish everything seems to change.  She becomes crabby, sometimes inconsolable, refuses to take her afternoon nap(s), and by the time the early evening rolls around I'm at my wits end.

It hasn't been easy going back to work with a grumpipuss.  I'm already a bit scattered from having to get back in the groove after being absent for about eight weeks.  Add to that trying to figure out how to do my job with a little one in tow who seems to have developed attachment issues, well let's just say it triples my scattered, disorganized stress levels.  I've felt pretty much lost and bewildered.  I know it's just going to take some time for us to find our groove in an environment completely alien to her and pretty much completely different for me now that I have her there.  By the way, in case you haven't picked up on it, I am able to take Piper to work with me.  It's one of the perks of working in a small family business.  Anyway, so we are both out of our element right now and trying to make major adjustments, to say the least.

Now throw in some very frustrating tummy issues, which I'm beginning to think may be more than just simple gas, and you get one very sad mommy who is beyond frustrated and anxiety ridden.  I want to have Piper at  work and be able to do my job.  I also want her to be a good girl and show that wonderfully happy side to everyone in the office.  I want not to have to hold her constantly because she is in pain and needs to be soothed.  I want to be able to cure her woes with a magic snap of my fingers.  Not being able to do any of those things to the extent that makes me feel like a good mother, well that is what brings on the tears.

I admittedly cried at work this morning, just for a bit, because I was stressed my boss would get mad because I wasn't doing my job 100% because I was having to pay Piper special attention.  This is probably silly as he is my uncle and everyone at the office supports having Piper there and have told me to quit stressing, that we will find our groove and all will be okay.  But it's hard for me to relax when she is in pain.

Now we're getting to the point of the title, I promise!
When I got home this evening she was wailing!  She cried all the way home, even though the car usually puts her to sleep, and there was just no consoling her.  I tried the gripe water and all things else gas-curing related, nothing seemed to work.  She eventually settled down while having her dinner, but started up again not long after.  Then I swaddled her and calmed her again, she fell asleep in my arms for a little while, and then she was right back to the wailing.  Eventually I put her in her pjs and went to lie with her on my bed.  We faced each other and I let her nurse some more.  This helped calm her down and she finally fell asleep, eventually letting me move her to her co-sleeper so I could finally get some dinner for myself.  She has been peacefully sleeping ever since.

Getting ready...
See, this is where I get baffled.  She has these painful, shrieking, inconsolable bouts of crying; or sometimes she opts for the calmer whines and quiets down as soon as she is picked up and paid attention to.  But in between all those, she is totally and completely happy.  She will smile and coo and is just the most delightful little creature in the world.  Then without warning, it's back to the pained screeching.

Take a sniff...
What I am thinking is that her stomach issues must come in waves.  I know when I have a tummy problem that's usually the way it goes, so to me it makes since.  Her tummy issues are then leading to the loss of naps, further leading into even more grumpiness from exhaustion.  At least she sleeps well at night though, right?  And my crying about all this, that is just from frustration that I cannot cure her and it makes me very sad to see her in pain wailing in misery.  I try not to let it get me too down, but it's tough as a new mother not to blame yourself for every little thing that comes along.

Test the waters...
She has a pediatrician appointment Thursday, so I'm hoping her doc can tell me what's going on and help get us on the path to ending all her tummy woes.  I have a feeling it will be GERD, which is gastroesophageal reflux disease.  That's pretty much acid reflux for babies. With her excessive spitting up after meals, bad hiccups, congestion, and choking quite a bit while trying to swallow...well it sure does sound like she has all the tell-tale symptoms.  If that is the case, I know something can be done with meds to treat it.  I'm praying it is nothing worse than that, but it is definitely not just your everyday run of the mill gas, that's for sure!  Found a great article regarding symptoms here.  Piper has way too many of these symptoms!

Try the other end...
I hope I haven't vented my woes too much in this entry.  Rarely do I stray from the lighter topics in life, as happy is more fun and more my style, but I really felt the need to get all of this off my chest.  I needed to air it all out to keep my fears and worries at bay.  Plus when Piper's older and being a little shit, I can make her go read this and remember the heartache she put me through as a new mother worrying about her constantly and crying when I couldn't fix her instantaneously if even not before she needed fixing to begin with.

Full on assault!
Wish me luck with her doc appointment Thursday, and I promise to keep everyone posted regarding the outcome.  Between now and then I vow to try and keep my spirits up and excessive worries to a reasonably controllable least I'll try not to cry anymore!

Go for gold!
Oh, and why the title?  I got a new camera, a Canon T3i, and shot some great pics of Piper nibbling on her toes.  She is obsessed with them!!!  I figured since I was late on my previously scheduled post, and was going to be hitting on some pretty heavy stuff with this post, then happy toe-sucking baby pics were a must...always leave them with a smile, I say!  And no one wants to read a blog entry titled "I Cried Today At Work Because I Suck!" anyway!

Tootsies are tasty!

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Figured two more pics couldn't hurt!

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