Thursday, December 13, 2012

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

And yesterday morning, and the day before, and the day before that...
I have recently been going through a battling the devil on my shoulder scenario.  Every day it's the same battle, and in all actuality it's a bit on the ridiculous side.  I have read that other soon to be moms go through this same battle, maybe not all but some.  Usually the battle results change based on whether you're a mom on the first go around with labor and delivery versus those moms who are old hat at it.

Curious as to what in the world I could possibly be blabbering about?  Now don't think I'm insane or think maybe my hormones have gone to my head, but lately I have seriously been considering all natural child birth!

If the song fits...

Well, considering is not really the right term.  I have absolutely no desire to feel the pain of shoving a child through my 38-year-old hoohah!  I really have no clue whatsoever from where this thought process of doing it naturally is coming.  It's like I woke up one morning with my superhero cape on and proclaimed with a mighty feminine roar, "To hell with you pain killers, I got this!"  That is just bat-shit crazy no matter how you look at it!
This is what I should be shouting!
I am perfectly  aware that there are those women out there who choose to go all natural and usually it's because they believe it's better for the baby, or some other whackadoodle notion.  And it probably is, I really can't argue that.  Well, I could argue that from the babies perspective, I suppose.  Think about it...you are the baby, you are being squeezed through a narrow, dark canal that is smooshing your skull into a deformed somewhat footballesque shape, you have been safe and cozy in your little liquid hideaway and all of a sudden you are forcefully shot forth into a very dry (or completely wet if you're into that whole at home water birth thing), brightly lit room with a bunch of bizarre looking creatures staring down at you...pulling you, suctioning out your orifices, wiping you down, snipping you loose from the one person whom you can trust....AHHHHHHH!!!!  Now wouldn't you want a bit of drugs to get through that?  Yeah, that's what I thought!  So, better for the baby to be sober?  Yeah, easy to say when you're not the baby!

That's cause he had an epidural!
So why should it be any different for the mom, right?  I have absolutely no issue with epidurals and I'm delighted they are readily available and women no longer have to be tied down to a bed and given nothing while going through this process, or forced to squat behind a tree and do it all without making a sound lest the dingos hear you and come to feast on your amazing creation.

So, yay for science!!! 
However, there is still this demonically odd voice inside me that keeps taunting me with the idea that I don't need science and that I should forgo all the wonders of modern day medicine and take it like a champ!  And I don't know why!!!

Is it some type of crazy motherhood chemical being released into my system?  Is it just part of the 9-month process that we all have to deal with?  I seriously wish I could figure out why I cannot get rid of this thought. Especially when I know it's not what I logically want.  I even told my mother the other day that no matter what stupid shit I spout during labor she is absolutely, without a doubt, 100% supposed to put her foot down and make sure I get that epidural.  I don't want to be a birthing champion and get obnoxious bragging rights for doing it naturally. I want to be calm, and sane, and in no pain.  That makes sense, the choosing pain does not.

I don't need this type of reassurance!
Hopefully I'll be able to keep my level head and have the epidural without second guessing myself when the time comes.  I'm not as young as I once was and my pelvic region is no longer as flexible as it used to be.   This alone is a damn good reason why I shouldn't give birth without drugs.

I could seriously break my hoohah!
I feel I should point out that I do not want a C-section, either.  I absolutely do want to do this vaginally, and I'm willing to put in the hard work to do so.  But I have to get my head together and stop being stupid minded about how far I'm willing to take the experience.  Maybe I'll meet myself in the middle and hold off on the epidural until I just can't take it anymore.  But that doesn't sound sane, either.

Anyway, that is my crazy hormonal trial and tribulation of the moment.  I think that maybe it all stems from the fact that I've had such and easy pregnancy and my brain has developed the misinformed notion that labor and delivery will be more of the same...easy peasy.  Believe me, I know it's not and I know how dumb that sounds.  I guess only time will tell if I end up being a moron when it counts.  Maybe I should start an office pool and take bets on how long I will hold off for the drugs or whether I will just simply lose my mind and go for the painful gusto!  We'll all find out come April, no doubt about that!  Hold on to your hats, this could get interesting!

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