Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Whale Wars

Yep, that seems about right!
From the title of this post, you may have guessed that at this point in my pregnancy I am seriously feeling like a whale.  As of today, I am 8 days from my due date if you go by my last missed period.  If you go by the actual IUI, I am six days out.  Either way, I'm about to bust an alien out my stomach...at least that's how I look and feel!

I have been patiently awaiting Piper's arrival, and seriously expected her to be here by now.  She ran about a week ahead of schedule from the moment she was a little bean at her first ultrasound.  So I assumed she would be running a week early by the time nine months rolled around.  Well, I'm beginning to question whether or not she will be early or be like her mom, induced because she was eleven days late and snuggled up where it was nice and warm.  Maybe I've made my womb to cozy of a place for Miss Piper?  But it cannot be that cozy anymore, there cannot possibly be any room in there for her to move.

I am now going to my OB every Friday for check-ups.  Friday before last, there was nothing much going on.  This past Friday, I was dilated only 1 cm and although she could tell I'd been having contractions, there wasn't much else besides a softening cervix to write home about.  Although I did think I had broken my water the night before my appointment, but after my check-up it seems that I just have a lot of extra fluids escaping the hoo-hah...which is a sign of contractions.

I am officially on full maternity leave as of last Thursday.  I made this decision mainly based on the fact my sleep patterns are screwed to all hell and back.  I cannot seem to get comfy and I've had a few nights where contractions kept me up, as well as thirty minute pee breaks, until the point that at 4am I am still tossing and turning.  But every night that I experience contractions, by the next morning I am able to sleep and they have completely stopped.  Ugh!!!  That is so frustrating!  Last night I had continual Braxton Hicks for hours but still no sign of true labor!

I have always heard that the last few weeks of a pregnancy are agonizing not only in the fact your uncomfy and ready to give birth, but the waiting game is excruciatingly painful in how slow and drawn out it can feel.  Now I know what all those mothers had been talking about all these years.  It's not easy going every day just waiting for the first real painful contractions...and wanting it.  I never imagined I would feel so excited and anxious and completely okay with shoving what last week they were calling a pumpkin (that sounds much worse than a watermelon, huh?) out my va-jay-jay.  But I have to admit, I'm looking forward to giving birth.

While I used to have ridiculous fears about labor and delivery, especially after seeing that film in junior high, I'm now more on the excited-to-be-experiencing-a-new-life-event kind of mode.  I think I am mentally prepared for the pain and discomfort of it all.  I say that now, I'm sure my tune will change when I'm in the middle of it all.  But for the time being, I'm a bit giddy.

Of course, these past couple of weeks have also had a mental toll on me.  I've had some dramatic mood swings, my apologies for those in their wake.  I'm sure it has everything to do with anxiety and raging hormones.  Hell, I'm a woman, when does my existence not revolve around raging hormones?  It's pretty much a woman's lot in life to carry the hormonal weight of the world on her shoulders, isn't it?  I know I'm not alone in thinking us women get the short of the hormonal stick when it comes to everyday existence.  I know there are a ton of men out there who would agree, right?  Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, besides my mood swings, I'm to the point where actually getting around is becoming a chore.  I went into work a couple of hours yesterday to finish up some things, yes I know I just said I was on maternity leave but sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do, and sitting at my desk did nothing but send shooting pains through my tailbone.  My office chair is usually not all that bad, but when you go from 135 lbs to 198 lbs, things change!  Yes, I admit that I am almost 200 lbs now!!!  I was at 202 but lost 4 lbs last week.  I've been peeing a lot, so that is probably why.  But let me explain the weight thing...some of you may have heard this before, but let's recap...

Before I decided to get pregnant, 135 was my typical weight unless I was on an extreme workout kick.  My healthy weight is 135, and I carry it very well!  Once the pregnancy process began and they put me on Clomid and progesterone, I shot up to 155 in a span of two months.  These meds are known for causing weight gain, mainly through water retention, and I consider myself lucky since gaining 40lbs on them is nothing unusual.  I'm lucky I got pregnant so quickly, that is.  After I got pregnant my weight gain has been pretty typical.  A little over 40lbs is not an unusual amount of pregnancy weight to gain.  Mostly mine has been all water, as my legs are pretty swollen all the way down.  The funny thing is is that no one can believe I am as heavy as I am.  Most people are pretty shocked and ask where I'm hiding the weight.  Then I kindly remind myself that they have obviously forgotten the actual size of my ass and thighs pre-pregnancy!  It's nice of them to think I still look like I did before I got huge, besides the belly, but seriously folks!  I'm about to post a pic of my pre-pregnant ass, just so we can be clear on what it looked like before!

Yep, that'd be my butt!
Say what you will of this tasteless shot, but that was me in my booty shorts at the club for some random event...no it wasn't Halloween, but a dj's going away party where we all dressed up old skool.  Now I do not typically go club hopping in booty shorts anymore, but this was a special occasion, and since I could still pull them off, why not!?!?  Anyway, it gives a general idea of how my ass once looked.  Here is another pic to check out the gams...

See those small thighs?
As you can tell from this pic, I once had slender thighs that didn't even think about touching!  Now my knees are as big as my thighs once were, and that ain't no lie!  But hey, it's worth it.  And after Piper is born, and I lose all the excess water, they'll be back down to normal size...well let's hope so.  I honestly, without looking at these pics, don't remember how my legs used to look.  All I know is that when I glance down in the shower I do not recognize the legs now attached to my body.  Like I said though, totally worth it at this point.  Speaking of knees, here is one last shot...

Mine are the ones on the left!
See, I did have actual knees once.  Now it's more like my whole leg is just one big chunk of flesh with no real distinction between thigh, knee, calf, and ankle.  Here is a pic from my shower, check out the mass thighs in this one by comparison!

I'm mean seriously not the same thighs!
No worries, I'll get my gams back one way or another!

Okay, enough about my lost shapely legs, that was a complete side track!  The point is, I'm a 200lb whale of a woman right now, getting around is about equivalent to a 200lb whale trying to walk on land, and I'm ready to get Piper here so I can drop some of that 200lbs in order to begin to feel halfway normal sized again.  I know it won't all instantly disappear right after delivery, but I'm ready for the process of shrinkage to begin!  More than that, I'm ready to start the next chapter of my life, mommyhood.  I'm more ready for that than anything else, and the waiting is killing me!  Every day is torturous, but I guess I don't really have much of a choice.  Piper will get here when she gets here, and no matter what I do I just have to wait until she's ready for that moment to arrive.  She could seriously get a move on with it, though!

Not only do I want her here so I can cuddle with her, I also want her here before she gets too much larger.  The prediction at my 4D ulttrasound was that she would be between 8.5-9lbs if she continued to grow as she was and went full term.  I'm no Spring chicken, so birthing a 9 pounder doesn't exactly sound enticing!  I tried to have a talk with her the other night about how much easier birth would be on both of us if she would go ahead and get here rather than continue to grow inside the womb...she basically ignored me.  I hoped she would listen to reason, but nope.  Oh well, seems she's going to be just like her mother!

Okay, I'll start wrapping things up by going over where I stand right now.  As of last Monday I began having tremendous pelvis pressure and pain.  Piper is fully head-down, engaged, and ready for take-off.  She has been putting quite a lot of pressure on me down in the pelvic region, but I'm getting used to it.  I often have extremely sharp pains shoot through my cervix.  They stop me dead in my tracks and sometimes actually make me yelp.  These are especially bad when compounded with the ever present need to pee.  I typically pee about once every 30 minutes or so now, especially when trying to go to sleep at night.  I have Braxton Hicks throughout the day, at night I sometimes have contractions more equivalent to false labor as they are very uncomfortable to say the least, but these typically occur when lying on my left side for some reason.  The amount of vaginal fluid I now produce is pretty ridiculous.  I mean seriously, where does it all come from?  It's like having a continual runny nose.  And the night I thought my water broke, I mean come on!  It was enough to make me think my water broke!  That's not normal nor something I should probably share with the world, but you know me!  My belly is now 48" in girth, and still growing, yay.  Getting out of bed now causes me to groan and flail a bit. When I sneeze I pee a little, and god forbid I have a coughing fit or get choked.  Lastly, and this one is just for giggles, I fart every time I sit down on the toilet, that's a fun one that cannot be controlled.  It's all fine and dandy until you're in a public restroom!

Well that about sums up where I am at this point.  Sorry for the lack of pics in this post, I will try to get some belly shots inserted over the next couple of days, but right now I am still in my pjs and not about to jump up and do a photo shoot.  Tomorrow I'll get up, shower, and get dressed.  Then I will snap a few pics, I've got to take some more shots of last minute additions to the nursery anyway, and I'll throw them in after that.  For now, you'll just have to use your imaginations!  Oh wait, I do have a few from Easter this past Sunday.  My family thought it would be funny if I played the role of Easter egg, and I completely nailed it!

Can you find the egg?
Yep, all belly!
Now you see me?
And here comes the broken record...

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